Frequently not asked questions
Q: Have you ever been the interviewed by the editor of an international compendium of humorous short stories?
A: Yes I have. You can read my interview by clicking on my chiselled features in this fantabulous photorealistic portrait.
A: Yes I have. You can read my interview by clicking on my chiselled features in this fantabulous photorealistic portrait.
Q: Have you ever been nominated for the Genrepunk Editor's Choice Award by both Trash Cat Lit AND The Welkin Writing Prize?
A: Why yes, and jolly nice it was of them too.
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Q: Have you ever been the interviewed about the story of your story writing by Trash Cat Lit?
A: Affirmative. Read ye the way of my words here.
A: Affirmative. Read ye the way of my words here.
Q: Have you ever written sketches about mathematics for a mixed media sketch show aimed at kids?
A: You wouldn't believe the number of times I've been asked this question. I wrote some sketches for the BBC2 school's programme "Kick Some Maths". You can read them here along with some scripts I was commissioned to write for a dog training show, a sex education programme, and some other script formats you might not otherwise find online. Perhaps with good reason.
A: You wouldn't believe the number of times I've been asked this question. I wrote some sketches for the BBC2 school's programme "Kick Some Maths". You can read them here along with some scripts I was commissioned to write for a dog training show, a sex education programme, and some other script formats you might not otherwise find online. Perhaps with good reason.
Q: Is it true that you've eaten a pie beside every Abbey in Scotland?
A: No. But you can find out which Abbeys I've visited and what pies I've eaten beside them here.
A: No. But you can find out which Abbeys I've visited and what pies I've eaten beside them here.
Q: Do you have a Facebook page dedicated to notable events that take place in the future?
A: Yes. I have/had a Facebook page called "On This Day in The Future". It has/had about 20K followers, although I've not updated it in quite a while, by which I mean I gave up when I had to compete against AI (oh the irony) so by 2028 that figure will have fallen to three. (You can find a time-line of the future on this website.)
A: Yes. I have/had a Facebook page called "On This Day in The Future". It has/had about 20K followers, although I've not updated it in quite a while, by which I mean I gave up when I had to compete against AI (oh the irony) so by 2028 that figure will have fallen to three. (You can find a time-line of the future on this website.)
Q: Have you written a bucket list for people who've already kicked the bucket?
A: I started writing a guide to popular post-life pastimes but as writing a bucket list for people who've already kicked the bucket is on my bucket list of things to do after I kick the bucket I probably won't finish it until after I've kicked the bucket. Until then you can find some ideas for things to do after you kick the bucket on the website below.
A: I started writing a guide to popular post-life pastimes but as writing a bucket list for people who've already kicked the bucket is on my bucket list of things to do after I kick the bucket I probably won't finish it until after I've kicked the bucket. Until then you can find some ideas for things to do after you kick the bucket on the website below.
Q. Are you currently involved in any high-brow artistic collaborations?
A. Yes. I’m working with my son on a project to draw, colour-in and cut out cardboard pictures of all 1,025 Pokémon.
A. Yes. I’m working with my son on a project to draw, colour-in and cut out cardboard pictures of all 1,025 Pokémon.
Q. Of all the posters you've pinned up on community noticeboards which has taken the longest time to be torn down.
A. This list of fictional baby and toddler groups has remained on display in my local library for over five years.
A. This list of fictional baby and toddler groups has remained on display in my local library for over five years.
Q: Have you ever written unhelpful directions for motorists during a closure of the Forth Road Bridge?
A: Yes. I posted some online that ended up going viral and was picked up by several newspapers including The Scotsman, The Herald, The Evening News and The Evening Times.
A: Yes. I posted some online that ended up going viral and was picked up by several newspapers including The Scotsman, The Herald, The Evening News and The Evening Times.
Q: Despite being a shite at acting have you ever appeared in a TV sketch show?
A: I sometimes popped up in Burnistoun. Look, that's me with a baseball bat.
A: I sometimes popped up in Burnistoun. Look, that's me with a baseball bat.
Q: I've been booked to appear on a panel show and I'd like to go in armed to the back teeth with extra gags. Is that the sort of thing you could help me with?
A: Yes. As well as providing additional material for panel shows, stand up routines, and TV appearances, I can also help out with light gardening duties.
